Is that a Twinkie in Your Pocket or...

Is that a Twinkie in Your Pocket or...


Meghan is one of our boot campers...she has a particular style you have to read to believe. Meghan has been attending South Shore Fit Body Boot Camp since January of 2017, and despite her 'wit' about boot camp sessions, she loves how it is helping her build strength and functional movement. More importantly though she is opening up about her own personal struggles with MS and what I truly appreciate is her willingness to overcome adversity and recognize that it is up to her to control her destiny. Enjoy! ~Coach Leon

⚠️ Warning - Adult Language in Use ⚠️

. I’m dating myself, but I’m going to ask anyway. Who remembers a 1995 song entitled “Ironic”?? (If you weren’t alive yet, SHUT IT DOWN. I don’t want to hear about it.) Now, if you’re OLD AS EFF, like me, you probably remember the song. It was all about ironic instances. Needing a knife, but only finding spoons. Being scared to fly, building up courage to fly, and then the plane crashes. Meeting the man of your dreams, but oops, guess what?? He’s married. Real uplifting shit like that. BUT, alas, Ms. Alanis Morissette forgot a pivotal example of irony.OK

What about losing a bunch of weight, and then someone asks if you’re pregnant.

Does this fall into the ironic category?? Asking for a friend….

It’s true. ^^^ This happened to ME. Last month, someone asked me if I was pregnant. The real kick in the junk is that MERELY hours before this happened, I was legitimately dancing in front of my mirror after I got dressed. Straight up doing the running man and cabbage patch. Simultaneously. Why? Because I had this ultra-rare moment, like unicorn-rare, where I looked in the mirror and thought, “HOT FRICKING DAMN. THANK YOU BOOTCAMP.” My jeans were super loose. Arms were looking pretty good, and belly abso-frickin-lutely did NOT look like it was housing a tiny human (at least I didn’t think so). High five, self, and cue my celebratory dancing.

This celebrating lasted about 1.5 hours…until a 6 year-old asked me if I had a baby in my belly. Have you ever been verbally slapped across the face?? Well, it feels a little something like this. Now before you start making excuses like, “Pffff, it doesn’t count. It was a child.” Stop right there. Kids are innately honest. In my experience, kids under 8 only lie about 5 things--

  1. Brushing their teeth

  2. Cleaning their room

  3. Hitting their siblings

  4. Washing hands after wiping and

  5. Ordering a bunch of movies on Pay-Per-View. “No, Mama. I did NOT order the Alvin and the Chipmunk 3 movie pack for $34.95. I promise.” (#5 might actually just apply to my kids. But, in all honesty, if my husband and I were dumb enough to use a 1-2-3-4 code as a parental lock, we had It coming to us.)

Alright, here’s my point. Kids don’t lie. If a child (who is like family and I LOVE HIM TO PIECES!) asked me if I’m pregnant, then chances are pretty damn good that I looked pregnant. Eight months ago, BEFORE I enlisted in boot camp, that would have been a fair observation. Ummm no. Not because I was pregnant, but because I was stuffed fuller than a butterball turkey on Thanksgiving. BUT now?? NOW??? Eight months of waking up at the ass-crack of dawn and pretty much DYING through 147 classes (thank you very much) THAT’S when someone asks me if I’m pregnant?!?!? YOU’VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME.

Following this unfortunate incident, I had two choices: 1) Nose dive into a box of Twinkies and do some collateral damage on cream-filled snack cakes OR 2) buckle down, recommit, and get to work. I’m not going to lie. I briefly contemplated hitting the Hostess. But, instead, I hit the gym. I’m back on a solid 6 classes a week schedule, which allows for one rest day, because YES, rest days are encouraged at FBBC. (Hell, even God rested on the 7th day, amiright?)

I did this for three weeks, and you know what I realized?? I’M DOING IT ALL WRONG.

What good is a destination (goal) without a map (plan)?? My GOAL is to get fit. What’s my plan to get me there? At best, my “plan” was haphazard. It looked like it was drawn on the back of a crusty napkin…with a broken, shit-brown crayon….by a sprightly 3 year-old who only knows how to draw squiggles. Time to break out the GPS to get me to my destination. Nope. I’m not talking about my outdated Garmin with the cracked screen. I’m talking about something better. Something fool-proof. Something called (wait for ittttttt)

“THE BOD SQUAD”

The Bod Squad is a 6-week program, offered by South Shore Fit Body Boot Camp, focusing on fitness AND nutrition. We have a support team, accountability partners, food plan, shopping list, and recipes. This is EXACTLY what I need to get back on track!!! So I signed up, and it starts on Monday. OHMYGOD. IT STARTED ON MONDAY.

I’ve updated my plan (see below). It’s systematic. It’s logical, and it doesn’t look like a toddler made it. Additionally, I’m sharing it on the wide world web, which means I’ve just added a few thousand accountability partners, so I can’t mail it in…

Meghan’s fool-proof PLAN to not look pregnant:

  1. RECOMMIT TO MY GOAL

  2. Start the new SSFFBC 6-week Challenge ”THE BOD SQUAD”

  3. Slap the snack cake out of my hand

  4. Drink a shit-ton of water

  5. Go to the gym regularly (and CHALLENGE myself with heavier weights and more reps)

There it is. I’ve got my map. I’ve got my destination. I’m ready to start. Will it be smooth sailing? SHIT NO. Has there ever been a road trip, in the history of road trips, that didn’t have a few issues? I know there WILL be detours, traffic jams, and some real son-of-a-bitch potholes (like someone thinking you’re pregnant when you’re not). But, as long as I don’t tie a dog to the back bumper of my pimped out, wood paneled station wagon and drive to Walley World, I think I’ll be in good shape!

Note to self:

  1. Change password to Pay-Per-View

  2. Have husband hide all the kids’ snacks for next 6 weeks

  3. Watch National Lampoon’s Vacation

  4. Teach kids when it’s ok to ask a lady if she’s pregnant:

  • * If a baby is falling out---OKAY TO ASK

  • * All other times---TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER INSTEAD

#Humor