Jackass with a CAPITAL J

Jackass with a CAPITAL J


Meghan is one of our boot campers...she has a particular style you have to read to believe. Meghan has been attending South Shore Fit Body Boot Camp since January of 2017, and despite her 'wit' about boot camp sessions, she loves how it is helping her build strength and functional movement. More importantly though she is opening up about her own personal struggles with MS and what I truly appreciate is her willingness to overcome adversity and recognize that it is up to her to control her destiny. Enjoy! ~Coach Leon

⚠️ Warning - Adult Language in Use ⚠️

A CASAGRANDE CONFESSIONAL:

Jackassery follows me around like a G.D. shadow.

No. Seriously. If jackassery were a sport, I’d be the TEAM CAPTAIN at a top seeded Division 1 school. Now, that said, you’d think I’d be more particular about the things I attempt. Like maybe I’d actually use some frickin' discretion so as to minimize the ridiculous shit shows that ensue. But, no. No, I don’t do that.

So, where am I going with this?? Hold please. I’m getting there.

Last week my sister-in-law came to boot camp with me and tried a class. During the warm up I looked around at the exercises, and I seriously thought to myself, “Lah-dee-dah, piece o’ cake!!” Well, here’s the thing about that. I nearly choked on that piece of cake that I, so confidently, bit off. I don’t remember the rest of the circuit that day, but I do remember the first exercise I tried that morning. KAYAK. Kayak with a dumb-ass weighted bar. No problem, I thought. I can pretty much do this in my sleep, AND, I’m going to do it so frickin well that my sister-in-law’s jaw is going to DROP.

Oh, her jaw dropped all right. But, not because I aced the exercise...more on that in a sec.

There I was. I had already given myself a pep talk. My chest was puffed out. Head held high. I strutted my stuff over to the weighted bars like I was the shit. And what did I do?? What the hell do you think I did?? I grabbed the biggest, thickest, heaviest weighted bar I could find, like a total JACKASS. In fact, if kayaking lent itself to two “oars”, I would’ve totally, 100%, grabbed TWO weighted bars…all in the interest of impressing my SIL aka “older sister”.

Ok, so we’re ready to start. My ass is planted firmly on the bosu…(or as I like to call it, the Sunshine Cupcake of Doom), holding my giant g.d. weighted bar with outstretched arms, ready to row. I am on the bosu directly in front of my sister-in-law, you know, so she can watch me, see what to do, and most importantly, so she can be completely WOWED by my abilities. We begin the exercise and for 5 full seconds, I.AM.AMAZING. I’m smiling. I’m rowing. I’m awesome. I’m…OHHHH MYYYYY GODDDDD. I’M FALLING. I’M FRICKIN FALLING. I’M FALLING OFF OF MY STUPID SON OF A BITCH KAYAK!!!!!!!

What the hell just happened??? One second I’m sitting there rowing like a professional kayaker in the Olympics. The next second, I must’ve shifted, somehow, someway (it was most likely my over-inflated ego that kicked me off balance) All of a sudden, I feel myself falling backwards, arms stretched while holding that asshole weighted bar. My legs are literally raising in front of me in slow motion while I fall backwards, off the bosu, onto the floor. In front of the trainers. In front of the other kayakers. In front of the other gym-goers. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY SISTER-IN-LAW.

Jackassery.

But maybe no one noticed. Maybe I was able to tuck and roll, get up quickly, and get back on the bosu with the stupid, dumb weighted bar, before anyone noticed!?

Not exactly. See, when I started to fall backwards, one of the trainers noticed me falling. She immediately started shrieking, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" “OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” with her arms outstretched, trying (not really) to catch me. PS… she didn’t catch me. I still landed completely conspicuously TU. (Torso Up.)

Unfortunate jackassery.

At that point I was left with only two feasible options: 1) Act like I was doing a different, more challenging exercise on purpose. Or 2) Own it.

I owned it. I sprang up and did my very best impression of Mary Catherine Gallagher’s “SUPERSTAR”. Why? Because that’s what a Division 1 jackass does. WE OWN IT.

So, what’s the point of my blog, I mean aside from presenting some comic gold and a visual treat for you to savor??? How about this: whether you are a varsity boot camper like the person next to me, a newbie boot camper like my sister-in-law, or a completely uncoordinated jackass like myself, there’s room for you at SSFBBC.

Don’t believe me?? Come try a FREE class! I’ll be the one off to the side, usually swearing and sweating profusely, falling off of the dastardly Sunshine Cupcake of Doom OR grabbing an 8,000 pound weighted bar. I promise, you will laugh. You will sweat. You will become intimately reacquainted with muscles you forgot you had. Come be a jackass with me!

PS (because it seems all of my stories have a PS) I wish I could say falling off the bosu, in front of 30 people, was the most embarrassing moment of that day. It turns out, I wouldn’t hit that quota until 15 hours later….in the middle of the grocery store. That’s when I noticed my pants zipper was all the way down…AND IT HAD BEEN FOR HOURS.

Until next time, friends. make good choices, wear your floaties when you kayak, and for the love of God, if you see someone walking around Stop & Shop with her fly down, SAY SOMETHING!!!

#Adversity #Humor #Motivation